Healthy Relationship Quiz
Check off the following attitudes and behaviors that are present in your relationship. Have each partner complete the survey separately.
- Communication is open and spontaneous (this includes listening).
- Rules and boundaries are clear and explicit, yet allow for flexibility.
- Individuality, freedom, and personal identity is enhanced.
- Each person enjoys doing things for themselves, as well as for the other.
- Play, humor, and having fun together is commonplace.
- Each does not attempt to “fix” or control the other.
- Acceptance of self and other (for our real selves).
- Assertiveness: feelings and needs are expressed.
- Humility: able to let go of a need to “be right.”
- Self-confidence and security in one’s own worth.
- Conflict is faced directly and resolved.
- Openness to constructive feedback.
- Each is trustful of the other.
- Balance of giving and receiving.
- Negotiations are fair and democratic.
- Tolerance: forgiveness of self and other.
- Mistakes are accepted and learned from.
- Willingness to take risks and be vulnerable.
- Other meaningful relationships and interests exist.
- Each can enjoy being alone and privacy is respected.
- Personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged.
- Continuity and consistency is present in the commitment.
- Balance of closeness and separation from each other.
- Each takes responsibility for their own behavior and happiness (not blaming each other).
Compare your answers with your partner’s.
Then, make a list of all the items that neither of you checked. Discuss the importance of these characteristics. If there are several, and you feel they are important, discuss how you can work toward achieving these goals. If you struggle to communicate, or cannot agree on important characteristics of a healthy relationship you may consider counseling.
Are each of these statements Usually True or Usually False?
- Throughout the day, I give my child choices, instead of giving orders.
- Our house is a gathering place for the neighborhood kids.
- My children have daily chores.
- My kids are in bed about the same time every night.
- My kids use “please” and “thank you” when they talk to me.
- I use “please” and “thank you” when I talk to my kids.
- My instructions tend to be brief and specific (I don’t lecture).
- I don’t give in to a child’s nagging, whining, and pleading.
- We have specific family rules.
- When I say, “I mean it,” my kids know this and they do as I ask.
- My kids clean up their own messes.
- Our family eats dinner together.
- I trust my children.
- I am consistent in the things that I say “yes” or “no” to.
- When a problem occurs, we address it, and then it’s over.
- I compliment my children twice as often as I criticize them.
- I’m involved in PTA or other school activities.
- The last words I say to my children at night are pleasant and loving.
- I learn about parenting by reading books and articles or by taking courses
Take some time to ponder any statement to which you have answered ‘Usually False.’ Ask yourself why the preferred answer is True. Determine what changes you can make in your family to better reflect the concepts presented in each statement.